Stories · For · A · Rainy · Day

"Upgrade"

Could you pause,

Stop me and rewind

Skip your previews and

Jump to my ending credits?

 

I've lost touch with

This plot was garbage from

The beginning is full of holes

Who scratched the disc?

 

Clouds like clenched fists

Pummel our scene with

Your words sting like hot soot and

All because Chim-Chim-Cheree sounded like a dirge?

 

If you want to,

This mangled movie

Fixed in a jiffy with only one phrase

We could switch to blu-ray

 

No more skipping or scratching.

 

Our Happily Ever After.

I'm not sure whether it is a combination of the cold weather, being the first day not smoking, or the fact that I am out of coffee creamer that is delaying me this morning. I have a nasty case of the "Fuck It All" today and it ain't even noon yet! WTF?! I am missing my ten o'clock now, my eleven o'clock class is optional today, at noon I have my poetry independent study, an hour break, and then philosophy of gender, in which I am a discussion leader so I best get that reading... read.

*sips coffee* Ew... Soy milk just is no substitute for creamer... Not for coffee, lattes fine, coffee no.

Ugh. I should probably get to work and distract myself from the nicotine itch crawling up my arms.

When I woke up this morning it was so cold I thought that for a moment it really was fall. Finally, I feel it even if I can't see the leaves changing colors and the frost on the grass. So I took a scented bath, cherry blossom, and lit my new oil burner, green tea, and settled in for an hour. It was magnificent. It was like being in a Japanese garden or something. After that I washed off my make-up from last night, slipped into a long sleeved shirt and some pajama bottoms. Yeah, I'm totally slumming it today. Things to get done in between doing absolutely nothing:

Make a play list of music
Clean Room
Clean Bathroom
Clean Kitchen
Do Laundry

WOO! IT'S CLEAN SHEET NIGHT TONIGHT!

It's so good to have Devin back. :)

seriously, I have so much work. This isn't going to be a productive entry, nope, just a bitch fest. I'm totally addicted to Dragon Wars over on Myspace, and to Travian which is hopefully a less drama filled version of tribal wars. But I am managing to find a good division of time between work and play. It's nice so far, but I'm still stressed and over studied.

I'm hoping a trip to see Devin will be in order either this month or very early November. I really want to see her again.

My darling manmeat is lending me his computer so now I am thoroughly reacquainted with the Internets. Hopefully this leads to more eventful posts.

come and go as they please. They give no regard for my workload or daily checklist. I'm not supposed to feel like this, things were going so well. But, I suppose it is my fault; choosing to date a child. How can someone plan their life with such high ended dreams and leave no room for love? What if love happens? Then what?! He'll have to change things, he'll have to alter his goal oriented mind to make room, and for him love and family will be a burden. Little boy, little boy what will you be? I wanna' be a pilot and then an astronaut, and then I think I wanna be president of the USA! And the adults smile and chuckle and pat him on the head; knowing these things he may grow out of. But you're 21, and too old to be dreaming of such things. You know who should be an astronaut? They guy who has worked for it all his life; the guy who doesn't have a father to pull strings; the guy who every morning gets up and can taste it and breath it; the guy who looks down at his wife and says,"I'm ready to go into work" and she smiles knowing that he is absolutely where he should be, and so is she.

Take a step back and think about what you just said. You say,"I love you" to the girl in bed next to you, but she doesn't smile. She's wise to your game of pretend; your world of make believe doesn't amuse her because it's her heart in the palm of your hand. She sometimes wishes you wouldn't say those words at all; clearly you are too young to know their meaning. Because this bed we lay on is small. It was made for the dreaming of one person and it really is hard to squeeze two of us on it for long. Someone's bound to roll off the edge in the night, and she knows it will be her. This bed of dreams doesn't include her even though she hopes and wishes that it would. Why? Why is it that you get to have these big dreams little boy? Why hasn't the world shown you her secrets?

End.

Roar! The air conditioner in our apartment has committed suicide, and this is Florida so the sun is like RIGHT THERE all the time, making it really hot. It always takes me a good week to adjust to the weather down here. We all managed to finally move in yesterday, with the exception of a few odds and ends still in storage. I'm hoping these first few days will go smoothly as I have a lot of bureaucratic bullshit to deal with in Financial Aid. Hopefully, as scheduled I receive my check today so I can deposit it and be able to get books and other necessities by the weekend. And with any luck both Kyle and Devi-sama will visit this weekend as it is a 3 day one! *crosses fingers*

Perhaps an entry with more meat later.

End.

I arrived here in Jacksonville via Greyhound yesterday... -.-;; At least I beat Tropical Storm Fay. Now it is looking like I will be stuck at Adam's apartment for ANOTHER day before we can even go anywhere, let alone move in to my own apartment on campus. It's windy, it's flooding, and most of the bridges are closed.

Florida loves me...

Do you ever lose track of a word? And then years later hear it again and nearly die laughing? I heard two this week that I would like to dig back up:  Swamp-Ass and Mud-Butt.

Thank goodness for the Farmer's Market...

Tuesday was HELL!! For 9 hours I helped battle a big ass fire in Owego. I started around 1pm, and we left the scene about 9:30. Then we did stuff back at the fire station until 11pm. I was so wrecked yesterday that Mr. Wiles let me go home early. I slept... a lot. People could see the smoke as far away as Johnson City and Binghamton. It was really crazy. We had just about every department from Tioga County helping and a few from Broome County... Here's a link to some photos of that fire. Impressive ne?

Fire Article

Photo Gallery

I love Owego. :)

It was really nice to see Sam again last week. I forgot how much I love the fucking misanthrope. We used to joke that he was House and I was Wilson, but these days you can really see that it was true. My life has changed me so that I CAN'T hate the world anymore. I love people and have hopes and ideals concerning the human race... But Sam? LOL, I missed him saying with the most disgust in his voice as could be mustered, "I hate you..." Makes me smile.

Well, yesterday was the Perrine Family Reunion. Always a fun time to sit around and talk with people you haven't seen for a year. Nice to know what they've been up to, all 80-something of them. Hah, but usually we spend the first five minutes of the conversation trying to figure out who we belong to and what the relation really is. Mary Cordelli was smart this year and bought name tags. LOL, I totally wore one that said my name and "Arlene's #1 Granddaughter." Which caused a brief, but amusing glare war with Janet. We finally gathered everyone and I read my poem for Aunt Lizzie aloud. After words we all had a toast using Beer Margarita's and the last of her vodka inside them. But... Even though Mary finally talked to me, and told me how much she loved the poem I wrote for her mother... I made her cry... I didn't want to do that, but apparently they were happy tears... I found myself depressed this morning when I woke up. Yesterday I was told time and time again to never stop writing, and that I had lots of talent... On the other hand I know I want to care for the elderly. This choice to become a nurse is final. I'll just have to find the time to continue writing on the side.

So that's what I am going to do today. I'm going to watch the first season of Dexter and knit. Then I will be working on some long forgotten writing projects. Some including fanfiction for Space Cases, xxxHolic, and even a new one for The Middleman. Maybe I might get around to writing a letter back to Devi-sama...

Sometimes you just have to take a day for yourself.

I'd like to send a BIG F-You out to the writers of Journey's End. Seriously, what a fucking cheap ass way to end all of it. Especially the Rose bit... But everything else sucked too.

I'm going to go sulk over a rum and coke... Possible some nicotine.

Well, computer is mostly fixed. Thanks to my good friend Jason. It was nice seeing the Puffs again. Hopefully, I will get to see them at least once more this summer. I'm having troubles getting a student loan that will cover my last semester of tuition, let alone getting enough to purchase a used vehicle. I'm tempted to as the crew of The Middleman what they did with Wendy's old crapmobile, because I'll take anything at this point!

Speaking of which, you ALL must watch The Middleman Monday nights on ABC Family. 10pm is where it's at. New favorite show definitely!! Watch it, or I will come to your house and cut you! I swear! :)~ Hope everyone's summer is going well.

PS. Sorry for not getting back to you Jo-kun. I've lost your number. Give me another call soon!

KARAOKE AT THE RAINBOW TRAIL TONIGHT! WOO!

Seriously, I'm never going to a porn site again! I went to (will remain anonymous) webpage two days ago to prove to my friend that there was porn that could turn you off, and BOOM! Now every two seconds my antivirus stuff is going bonkers. I want to download the scanner that will clear the adware, but the publisher isn't verified so the antivirus program WON'T LET ME OPEN IT! Fuck! I hate computers.

So, I'm going to take a nice warm shower and curl up with a book for the night and just hope the malware, spyware, and/or adware fixes itself. Because I have to deal with 75 first graders at work tomorrow... X_x

Bunny

I think the best part of working on a farm is that, when it rains we get to treat the day like a snow day. Last night we had some big storms come through, and we've got more in the forecast for today, but the important part is that morning's that it rains my employer is really laid back. The storm blipped our power and so my alarm never went off, and when I woke up five minutes before having to be at work I immediately swore and called Frank. He didn't care... He said, "Well, to be honest we're relaxing this morning due to the fact we finally got some rain... It wouldn't be too bad if you didn't even get here until 9:00." I went straight back to sleep for half an hour!

I moved furniture around in my room and got rid of most of my clutter. Now my room is open and breezy. It's finally someplace I can enjoy being in, and hopefully this will all benefit my motivation for the rest of the summer. I have stuff I need to accomplish: read books, work on my stories, play the guitar, get a student loan, get a car, lose some weight and be in better shape... etc... I love cleaning. It gives me a sense of control and unclutters my thoughts and mind. I'm always so positive after I clean something! I hope this feeling continues through the rest of the year. Seriously, I feel so good today!

Clean something! Get rid of old stuff, play with the space, and dust and vacuum... You'll feel better!

The summer is creeping by, and when I say 'creeping' I mean pushing and shoving me from behind as fast as it can. I love being home. In the end I am just a small town girl. It might be different if I had the right person to be with, but that possibility came and went a long time ago. Now I find myself toying with thoughts of how my life will be after graduation. So far away from everyone I have developed relations with. The people I hang out with up here consist of my aunt, my cousin, and an old friend from high school that is in some ways, more sorry for himself than I am. And as for love developing? Not likely. The love pool dried up long ago in Owego, NY and the forecast says there will never be rain to fill it again. I mean, I would like to think that Chris will learn to appreciate what he has a little more and decide to stay with me, but I will not hang on to that fantasy. I can't build my future on what I would LIKE it to be, I need to incorporate more reality into the situation. The situation is this; when I graduate I am stuck coming home. I will have to leave my friends, after a while my boyfriend will decide he can't take the distance, and I will have my cats and my cousins to keep my company. I hate Jacksonville, and I will never call it home... So my options are slim.

One of the reasons I am so terrified of dating in this town is actually kind of amusing. I am related to just about everyone. Also, for years now I have joked about having other siblings from my father's side of my tree. Well, a month ago, I found out how true it actually was. Aunt Jenny and I were at the Rainbow Trail having some drinks and dancing our hearts out (no this is not a gay bar) when she started noticing this guy watching us. I didn't notice, but we all know how I am when I'm dancing; oblivious!! Later we went out for a smoke, and this guy and one of the Flat Rats I knew from over on Talcott Street went with us. My aunt started talking to the man and found that his name was Russ Gibson. So she said, " Are you any relation to Raye Gibson? You know, Gibby?" And the man replied, "Yup! That was my father!" Well, Aunt Jenny and I about fell over after that. Jenny looked at Russ, pointed at me and said, "I'd like you to meet your sister." His mouth fell open. After an hour or two of talking with each other we realized there was no mistaking it. We were half brother and sister. He even knew the name of my father's dog, which later I raced home to wake my mother up at 2:30am to ask, "Mom! What was my father's dog's name? You know, that big black lab I have a memory of?" She replied," Um... I think it was Smokey..." That was the exact name he had given at the bar. I also learned I have another brother, and a sister wandering about the area as well. Apparently Raymond Gibson was a busy man!! Hah!  But here is the part that absolutely killed us all inside. For 5 years now, my half brother has lived three houses away from me. I even returned his dog Jake to him last summer when he escaped the fence...

This is a small fucking town.

And on Memorial Day 2008, I found my father's grave, and stood there and shot the breeze with my two brothers that new I existed but could not find me, nor I them. Dad's tomb stone was all shiny and perfect. I helped clean it and plant flowers. And there in quotation marks underneath his name was "Gibby", proving to me that this was all the real deal.

Update about jobs, cars, and other things later.