Stories For A Rainy Day

Because I wasn't worth it...

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:46:21 GMT

"Upgrade"

Could you pause,

Stop me and rewind

Skip your previews and

Jump to my ending credits?

I've lost touch with

This plot was garbage from

The beginning is full of holes

Who scratched the disc?

Clouds like clenched fists

Pummel our scene with

Your words sting like hot soot and

All because Chim-Chim-Cheree sounded like a dirge?

If you want to,

This mangled movie

Fixed in a jiffy with only one phrase

We could switch to blu-ray

No more skipping or scratching.

Our Happily Ever After.

Time for Change

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:44:24 GMT

Failure to Get Up

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 14:15:54 GMT

I'm not sure whether it is a combination of the cold weather, being the first day not smoking, or the fact that I am out of coffee creamer that is delaying me this morning. I have a nasty case of the "Fuck It All" today and it ain't even noon yet! WTF?! I am missing my ten o'clock now, my eleven o'clock class is optional today, at noon I have my poetry independent study, an hour break, and then philosophy of gender, in which I am a discussion leader so I best get that reading... read.

*sips coffee* Ew... Soy milk just is no substitute for creamer... Not for coffee, lattes fine, coffee no.

Ugh. I should probably get to work and distract myself from the nicotine itch crawling up my arms.

It's the Slums

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 16:53:13 GMT

When I woke up this morning it was so cold I thought that for a moment it really was fall. Finally, I feel it even if I can't see the leaves changing colors and the frost on the grass. So I took a scented bath, cherry blossom, and lit my new oil burner, green tea, and settled in for an hour. It was magnificent. It was like being in a Japanese garden or something. After that I washed off my make-up from last night, slipped into a long sleeved shirt and some pajama bottoms. Yeah, I'm totally slumming it today. Things to get done in between doing absolutely nothing:

Make a play list of music
Clean Room
Clean Bathroom
Clean Kitchen
Do Laundry

WOO! IT'S CLEAN SHEET NIGHT TONIGHT!

It's so good to have Devin back. :)

vacant stare

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:58:44 GMT

seriously, I have so much work. This isn't going to be a productive entry, nope, just a bitch fest. I'm totally addicted to Dragon Wars over on Myspace, and to Travian which is hopefully a less drama filled version of tribal wars. But I am managing to find a good division of time between work and play. It's nice so far, but I'm still stressed and over studied.

I'm hoping a trip to see Devin will be in order either this month or very early November. I really want to see her again.

My darling manmeat is lending me his computer so now I am thoroughly reacquainted with the Internets. Hopefully this leads to more eventful posts.

The waves

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 13:03:45 GMT

come and go as they please. They give no regard for my workload or daily checklist. I'm not supposed to feel like this, things were going so well. But, I suppose it is my fault; choosing to date a child. How can someone plan their life with such high ended dreams and leave no room for love? What if love happens? Then what?! He'll have to change things, he'll have to alter his goal oriented mind to make room, and for him love and family will be a burden. Little boy, little boy what will you be? I wanna' be a pilot and then an astronaut, and then I think I wanna be president of the USA! And the adults smile and chuckle and pat him on the head; knowing these things he may grow out of. But you're 21, and too old to be dreaming of such things. You know who should be an astronaut? They guy who has worked for it all his life; the guy who doesn't have a father to pull strings; the guy who every morning gets up and can taste it and breath it; the guy who looks down at his wife and says,"I'm ready to go into work" and she smiles knowing that he is absolutely where he should be, and so is she.

Take a step back and think about what you just said. You say,"I love you" to the girl in bed next to you, but she doesn't smile. She's wise to your game of pretend; your world of make believe doesn't amuse her because it's her heart in the palm of your hand. She sometimes wishes you wouldn't say those words at all; clearly you are too young to know their meaning. Because this bed we lay on is small. It was made for the dreaming of one person and it really is hard to squeeze two of us on it for long. Someone's bound to roll off the edge in the night, and she knows it will be her. This bed of dreams doesn't include her even though she hopes and wishes that it would. Why? Why is it that you get to have these big dreams little boy? Why hasn't the world shown you her secrets?

End.

Humidity

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 13:02:19 GMT

Roar! The air conditioner in our apartment has committed suicide, and this is Florida so the sun is like RIGHT THERE all the time, making it really hot. It always takes me a good week to adjust to the weather down here. We all managed to finally move in yesterday, with the exception of a few odds and ends still in storage. I'm hoping these first few days will go smoothly as I have a lot of bureaucratic bullshit to deal with in Financial Aid. Hopefully, as scheduled I receive my check today so I can deposit it and be able to get books and other necessities by the weekend. And with any luck both Kyle and Devi-sama will visit this weekend as it is a 3 day one! *crosses fingers*

Perhaps an entry with more meat later.

End.

Storms

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:09:39 GMT

I arrived here in Jacksonville via Greyhound yesterday... -.-;; At least I beat Tropical Storm Fay. Now it is looking like I will be stuck at Adam's apartment for ANOTHER day before we can even go anywhere, let alone move in to my own apartment on campus. It's windy, it's flooding, and most of the bridges are closed.

Florida loves me...

Words

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 02:46:36 GMT

Do you ever lose track of a word? And then years later hear it again and nearly die laughing? I heard two this week that I would like to dig back up: Swamp-Ass and Mud-Butt.

Thank goodness for the Farmer's Market...

We Didn't Start the Fire

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:23:55 GMT

Tuesday was HELL!! For 9 hours I helped battle a big ass fire in Owego. I started around 1pm, and we left the scene about 9:30. Then we did stuff back at the fire station until 11pm. I was so wrecked yesterday that Mr. Wiles let me go home early. I slept... a lot. People could see the smoke as far away as Johnson City and Binghamton. It was really crazy. We had just about every department from Tioga County helping and a few from Broome County... Here's a link to some photos of that fire. Impressive ne?

Fire Article

Photo Gallery

I love Owego. :)

I Don't Really Want A Smoke

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 15:01:26 GMT

It was really nice to see Sam again last week. I forgot how much I love the fucking misanthrope. We used to joke that he was House and I was Wilson, but these days you can really see that it was true. My life has changed me so that I CAN'T hate the world anymore. I love people and have hopes and ideals concerning the human race... But Sam? LOL, I missed him saying with the most disgust in his voice as could be mustered, "I hate you..." Makes me smile.

Well, yesterday was the Perrine Family Reunion. Always a fun time to sit around and talk with people you haven't seen for a year. Nice to know what they've been up to, all 80-something of them. Hah, but usually we spend the first five minutes of the conversation trying to figure out who we belong to and what the relation really is. Mary Cordelli was smart this year and bought name tags. LOL, I totally wore one that said my name and "Arlene's #1 Granddaughter." Which caused a brief, but amusing glare war with Janet. We finally gathered everyone and I read my poem for Aunt Lizzie aloud. After words we all had a toast using Beer Margarita's and the last of her vodka inside them. But... Even though Mary finally talked to me, and told me how much she loved the poem I wrote for her mother... I made her cry... I didn't want to do that, but apparently they were happy tears... I found myself depressed this morning when I woke up. Yesterday I was told time and time again to never stop writing, and that I had lots of talent... On the other hand I know I want to care for the elderly. This choice to become a nurse is final. I'll just have to find the time to continue writing on the side.

So that's what I am going to do today. I'm going to watch the first season of Dexter and knit. Then I will be working on some long forgotten writing projects. Some including fanfiction for Space Cases, xxxHolic, and even a new one for The Middleman. Maybe I might get around to writing a letter back to Devi-sama...

Sometimes you just have to take a day for yourself.

Silver Lining

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:06:39 GMT

Still a bit upset about Doctor Who, but I'm very excited to finally start watching Slayers Revolution. I've been waiting so long hoping that someday they would make more Lina Inverse Goodness!! :)

On Doctor Who Finale

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:37:05 GMT

I'd like to send a BIG F-You out to the writers of Journey's End. Seriously, what a fucking cheap ass way to end all of it. Especially the Rose bit... But everything else sucked too.

I'm going to go sulk over a rum and coke... Possible some nicotine.

The New Summer

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 16:10:06 GMT

Well, computer is mostly fixed. Thanks to my good friend Jason. It was nice seeing the Puffs again. Hopefully, I will get to see them at least once more this summer. I'm having troubles getting a student loan that will cover my last semester of tuition, let alone getting enough to purchase a used vehicle. I'm tempted to as the crew of The Middleman what they did with Wendy's old crapmobile, because I'll take anything at this point!

Speaking of which, you ALL must watch The Middleman Monday nights on ABC Family. 10pm is where it's at. New favorite show definitely!! Watch it, or I will come to your house and cut you! I swear! :)~ Hope everyone's summer is going well.

PS. Sorry for not getting back to you Jo-kun. I've lost your number. Give me another call soon!

KARAOKE AT THE RAINBOW TRAIL TONIGHT! WOO!

Well... That's the Last Time!

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:10:00 GMT

Seriously, I'm never going to a porn site again! I went to (will remain anonymous) webpage two days ago to prove to my friend that there was porn that could turn you off, and BOOM! Now every two seconds my antivirus stuff is going bonkers. I want to download the scanner that will clear the adware, but the publisher isn't verified so the antivirus program WON'T LET ME OPEN IT! Fuck! I hate computers.

So, I'm going to take a nice warm shower and curl up with a book for the night and just hope the malware, spyware, and/or adware fixes itself. Because I have to deal with 75 first graders at work tomorrow... X_x

Bunny

Harvest Moon

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:19:23 GMT

I think the best part of working on a farm is that, when it rains we get to treat the day like a snow day. Last night we had some big storms come through, and we've got more in the forecast for today, but the important part is that morning's that it rains my employer is really laid back. The storm blipped our power and so my alarm never went off, and when I woke up five minutes before having to be at work I immediately swore and called Frank. He didn't care... He said, "Well, to be honest we're relaxing this morning due to the fact we finally got some rain... It wouldn't be too bad if you didn't even get here until 9:00." I went straight back to sleep for half an hour!

I moved furniture around in my room and got rid of most of my clutter. Now my room is open and breezy. It's finally someplace I can enjoy being in, and hopefully this will all benefit my motivation for the rest of the summer. I have stuff I need to accomplish: read books, work on my stories, play the guitar, get a student loan, get a car, lose some weight and be in better shape... etc... I love cleaning. It gives me a sense of control and unclutters my thoughts and mind. I'm always so positive after I clean something! I hope this feeling continues through the rest of the year. Seriously, I feel so good today!

Clean something! Get rid of old stuff, play with the space, and dust and vacuum... You'll feel better!

You Know...

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:17:45 GMT

My birthday is coming up...

SOMEONE BUY THIS FOR ME!!

Sonic Screwdriver!!!! I WANT IT!!

Dad... I Found You.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 15:18:41 GMT

The summer is creeping by, and when I say 'creeping' I mean pushing and shoving me from behind as fast as it can. I love being home. In the end I am just a small town girl. It might be different if I had the right person to be with, but that possibility came and went a long time ago. Now I find myself toying with thoughts of how my life will be after graduation. So far away from everyone I have developed relations with. The people I hang out with up here consist of my aunt, my cousin, and an old friend from high school that is in some ways, more sorry for himself than I am. And as for love developing? Not likely. The love pool dried up long ago in Owego, NY and the forecast says there will never be rain to fill it again. I mean, I would like to think that Chris will learn to appreciate what he has a little more and decide to stay with me, but I will not hang on to that fantasy. I can't build my future on what I would LIKE it to be, I need to incorporate more reality into the situation. The situation is this; when I graduate I am stuck coming home. I will have to leave my friends, after a while my boyfriend will decide he can't take the distance, and I will have my cats and my cousins to keep my company. I hate Jacksonville, and I will never call it home... So my options are slim.

One of the reasons I am so terrified of dating in this town is actually kind of amusing. I am related to just about everyone. Also, for years now I have joked about having other siblings from my father's side of my tree. Well, a month ago, I found out how true it actually was. Aunt Jenny and I were at the Rainbow Trail having some drinks and dancing our hearts out (no this is not a gay bar) when she started noticing this guy watching us. I didn't notice, but we all know how I am when I'm dancing; oblivious!! Later we went out for a smoke, and this guy and one of the Flat Rats I knew from over on Talcott Street went with us. My aunt started talking to the man and found that his name was Russ Gibson. So she said, " Are you any relation to Raye Gibson? You know, Gibby?" And the man replied, "Yup! That was my father!" Well, Aunt Jenny and I about fell over after that. Jenny looked at Russ, pointed at me and said, "I'd like you to meet your sister." His mouth fell open. After an hour or two of talking with each other we realized there was no mistaking it. We were half brother and sister. He even knew the name of my father's dog, which later I raced home to wake my mother up at 2:30am to ask, "Mom! What was my father's dog's name? You know, that big black lab I have a memory of?" She replied," Um... I think it was Smokey..." That was the exact name he had given at the bar. I also learned I have another brother, and a sister wandering about the area as well. Apparently Raymond Gibson was a busy man!! Hah! But here is the part that absolutely killed us all inside. For 5 years now, my half brother has lived three houses away from me. I even returned his dog Jake to him last summer when he escaped the fence...

This is a small fucking town.

And on Memorial Day 2008, I found my father's grave, and stood there and shot the breeze with my two brothers that new I existed but could not find me, nor I them. Dad's tomb stone was all shiny and perfect. I helped clean it and plant flowers. And there in quotation marks underneath his name was "Gibby", proving to me that this was all the real deal.

Update about jobs, cars, and other things later.

facedesk

Fri, 23 May 2008 00:44:02 GMT

Nothing says "Shoot yourself in the head" quite like working on a computer with your mother....

Friday Night Hustle

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:01:54 GMT

What a week. Going out with the girls tonight. Drunk Goggles are in place. Party Pants on. All systems are go.

Spring Breaking

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 19:48:06 GMT

I called twice. I text twice. And I instant message twice. She never answered.

I know you're going through some tough times, but all the more reason to have had a friend near by.

But if you keep forgetting I exist...

Then I will forget you too.

Because I really can't take much more of this.

Rusting Straight Through

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:29:58 GMT

The light at the end of this tunnel can be seen, and thankfully it isn't a train. This time it's Spring Break. Only a few more days and there will be a whole week of crazy nothings to do with my life. Sure there is the odd and end academic project to fix, but mostly I hope to read, write and drink. I was hoping Devi would come up, but with my car on the verge of death I can't get her, and she now obviously has too much on her mind to be able to enjoy my company. But maybe I can get her up to Owego for my aunt's 50th birthday. It's gonna' be wild!

Speaking of the car... Should it seem unnatural that I'm having trouble getting rid of her? For the past week I have played with the notion that if I just keep putting transmission fluid in her, she'll get me where I need to go; even get my back to Owego. No, no I was being foolishly hopeful. Next week I am going to use her to try and see if there are any sweet deals at the Honda or Carmax, but if not, I will take her to a salvage yard. It's like putting down your freaking pet! I've loved this car for six years now, and she can still move... DON'T MAKE ME KILL HER! Why do we develop attachments to machinery that mimic those we have for flesh and blood? It's amazing.

Ran a mile on Sunday. Felt really good. Now I'm sore. And work the rest of the week so... I can't run regularly until the weekend again. Sort of sad, but I've been sleeping a lot lately. I've also only been healthy one week out of this entire semester. It's really frustrating! I'm so tired of be sick with something; cold, stomach bug, scar tissue, girl things... It's ridiculous! I come to Florida and my body falls apart.

I'm also feeling a bit bittersweet about my relationship as of late. I know we're having fun and all, but something always comes up to remind me that it's going to end eventually. Talk of the Navy, talk of my graduation, and a certain apathy from his perspective. The other night we were partying and I drunkenly expressed to my friend Shaun that Chris was basically getting rid of me as soon as I graduate. And Chris, being present at the time adamantly stated that it wasn't true. But how dare you give me hope when earlier in the semester we had discussed such things, and you said, "When we started dating I didn't see it going past college..." It's really unfair. But like the fool I am, I have continued to allow myself to fall farther in love with him. Sometimes I think, BAIL OUT! BAIL OUT NOW!! But then I am unable too. I'm going down with the ship as they say, my heart locked in a chest heading for the bottom of the ocean.

And I'm smiling the whole way.

When it rains, it MUTHER FUCKING POURS!!

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 01:14:59 GMT

Well, the car finally shit the bed today...

And I have recently been thinking that I would love to do englishy stuff in life... But I'm wondering if I might not get more satisfaction from being a nurse. Especially something like Hospice care...

Fuck.

Bunny

warm and fuzzies

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:05:13 GMT

It's cold as heck outdoors, but I'm feelin warm and fuzzy... To my right, an empty computer chair, to my left... A whole bunch of hotness. Heehee. My boy is the guard dog for the campus math lab, and there is NOTHING to do. So I am gonna keep him company. Hah!! Deal with it bitch!

God, I had so many important things to type, and now I'm just not in the mood.

Fickle Bunny

For Aunt Lizzie

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 19:29:24 GMT

Okay, I finally finished that poem I wrote for Aunt Lizzie. I have to admit, it was very traumatic to actually see another human being die, especially someone I was so close to, and someone I thought would live forever; no matter how juvenile that may sound. She was the epitome of what a woman should be; she was wiley and wise all at the same time. Which is why I have chosen the moon to symbolize her. And I feel that being there for her passing has changed me. I have been ushered into a new stage of adulthood, and I am so glad it was Aunt Lizzie who showed it to me. I would like to express my deepest thanks to Dr. Murphy for taking time out of her schedule to help me edit something so personal.

So here it is, for Aunt Lizzie.

Sharing 103 Years

Watching The Moon nap away; I wonder why
She has descended from her vantage point high above to mingle
With the common folks that admire her so
The electric bed molded into a chair to fit her mood
She sits, asleep, so deeply asleep
Unable to hear the bustling of nurses, or
Our greetings as we enter the room
This room is quiet; the television barely pushing through the air
This room is oppressively warm; it sits on me like a dead weight
Grandma, Jenny, Jackie all there
I keep looking at everyone's faces, but they reveal nothing
Like ancient stars in orbit, they are content to watch The Moon
My youth bubbles and nags; the sun is rising
But I manage to squash the dawn flat,
Amusing her with the little snores escaping The Moon.

Alarms! Alarms in the head!
The Moon inhales; holding it; holding it; holding
    my eyes open to receive the gift
She exhales one last time
Releasing the soul forward, dispelling across the room
Traveling there, but where?
Hitting me like the shrapnel from the car that plows head first into a semi
And I have felt each part all at once, entering the waters of the eye

Each one lacerates flesh
Making my still beating heart, bloodied
Shredding to strands the muscle of life
A tattered curtain billows before the opened window;
    blocks the quiet outside
The hand with the shard of glass rips,
But that jagged piece cuts too, the holders hands

The inferno melts long condensed ice
Free. Sheets rush headlong down the mountain
Sweeping away all in its path
I cannot defend against release
Roiling, consuming.

Moon turns around; dropping her dress
Revealing her darkness
Sun blushes; half lidded eyes
Cannot look away from her nakedness

Sterile air once cold and clinical
Now warms with the smell of fresh earth and saline
Blending in a graveyard
The raindrops fall hard, carving holes in the soil and then consumed.
Each digs further beneath for the answers.

A voice on the wind now
Familiar, hearty, warm and -ah!-
There is a faint smell of old foundation and lipstick
Of stale cocktails, now being picked up and sipped
Stirring the fragrance of orange peels
Calling me back
Back to the room where the nurse is saying
"She's gone..."

The Moon is pale and still; She returns the dress to her body and
    perches once again in the sky; even with her eyes closed
She watches with her wisdom.
In the face of death; I have found beauty
And then, the life cycle spreads before me:
       Bright flower blooms
       Breaking at the neck
       Bud and petals falling into current
       Below the rush of melting waters; take it away
I have seen the spectrum; all colors present.

My soul finally calms; but the sun is blotted out
A dark lake has taken its place.
The surface still ripples where The Moon touched me
    the waves never resting.
She gave it to me
A piece of perfection - forever -
Haunting both my eyes.